Letter from prison # 14

What’s up everyone! Missed me?

Well, I finally made it to Lompoc. I got here on Monday and I am just getting settled in. I have never been so excited to be at a prison than I was on Monday! This place is a lot better than where I was. I saw a blind man here, but he didn’t see me. What the fuck did he do? Rob somebody blind? (insert drum roll and symbol clash here) If a blind man can make here, then I got this!
In case you missed it, the last two weeks I was in the hole at a Maximum Security Prison in Victorville, CA. It was the United States Penitentiary. I was kept in my cell with another cellmate 21 hours a day! We got out for one hour, three times a day. the food was crappy and time moved at a snails pace. It fucking sucked. Getting of the bus at this place made me realize that this place was not playing around. We each had to get off the bus one at a time. And when we got off the bus there was two snipers pointing automatic weapons at you while you walked to the wall shackled. Thats when shit got real! I almost pissed myself when it was my turn to walk. So many thoughts went through my head. I kept hoping the snipers didn’t sneeze, or hoping none of them have turrets. I am not going to lie. I was scared shitless! When it came time to leave to come to Lompoc, shit got a little crazy, but was hilarious. Here is what happened:

I told my celly not to eat the chili the night before. They chili was fucking wrong. But he ate it…then about an hour later he told be his stomach hurt and that he is sorry for whatever it is that he is going to do….I was worried….for myself!
This chili fucked his stomach up!! He would not stop farting! He was trying to hold it in because we were stuck in the cell. And he started sweating then yelled at me, “How do you get so much air in your stomach?” hahahahaha
So they drug us out of our cell at 3:30 am to get us on the bus to Lompoc. We had to change out of our prison clothes into even more prison clothes for the bus ride. They put us in these orange jumpers, but before we could wear them, we had to get checked for contraband. They took four of us at a time and brought us into the changing room. We all lined up and were ordered to strip naked. then we had to wiggle our fingers, wiggle our toes, open our mouths, lift our balls, turn around, squat, and cough while squatting. When we squatted and cough, my celly blew ass! It was so powerful that the cop’s hair on his head who was checking him, literally moved!!! Fucking crazy. That’s when I said, “You are such an over-achiever man…the guy just wanted us to cough but you gotta one up us and show off!” We were dying laughing.
So after that, they put us all into a waiting cell. then once all 40 of us were ready it was time to shackle us. Well someone was either pissed off at me or made an error. The black boxed me, which means I got double shackled and this black box put over my handcuffed wrists. Apparently they do this for prisoners that have a history of escaping! I have never been to prison…what history do I have? While being black boxed the cop that had is hair blew back by my celly said to me, ” I bet you are not laughing now” I told him, I think you’ve got the wrong guy.” He answered and I quote,” I don’t make mistakes, You hold the tail, and I ll fuck the donkey” I replied, “I don’t even know what that means?” “Are we going to Mexico, cause I have already seen that show but it was a chick” I asked. Everyone started laughing. Now I didn’t mean to make him look dumb, but I realized that he has the power to make my cuffs even tighter than the needed to be. Lets just say that was a very uncomfortable 6 hour bus ride!
But I am here. I made it. the weather here is beautiful. The first day I was here I stayed outside so much. It had been almost 5 months since i had been outside. I was turning invisible. I swear I think I could have seen my heart beating.
But I am here. I am getting settled in. I started my job today. I ll tell you more about my job and where I am at on the next letter. this one is quite long already.
At the end of this letter, I will give you all my new address so that you can write me and send me pictures. I love mail so I hope you all will send me something.
Next week I ll tell you more about where I am at and what I am up to now. I am in a much better place. I ll tell you that much now. Thank you all for your continued support.
Rickie- 9 more months baby! Thank you for always being there for me. I know it was a rough two weeks but we are growing stronger together. I ll be home soon and we can close this chapter and begin writing a new one. I love you.

Again, thank you all for you support and i hope to hear from you soon

Remember, to always
Live Everyday Always Free
I miss you guys!
LEAF

William Troy Goings
67749-097

Federal Prison Camp

3705 West Farm Road
Lompoc CA 93436

Letter from prison #1

What’s up everyone? Well I have finished my first week. I got uhm……..does it matter? I have a lot more weeks to go. I am scheduled for release on October 17th 2014. I did however sign up for a drug and alcohol program which would allow me to only serve 9 months incarcerated, and 6 months to follow at a half way house. So please keep your fingers crossed for that.

I have to admit, the days are long here. I am still learning the ropes and adjusting to this lifestyle. Breakfast is served at 5:30am….that is usually the time I got home!. So my body is taking some time to adjust to this schedule. I am sure I ll get there soon.

This place is not what everyone was telling me it was going to be like..”Leaf don’t worry, you are going to club FED” F U!!! This place is nothing like Club Fed!!! I only get to talk on the phone for 15 minutes, and if I want to call again, I need to wait a whole hour before doing so. I can only talk 300 minutes per month!! That is nothing!! They want us to communicate with our relatives, yet they make things so difficult to do so! What do they think this place is, a prison? Oh never ask if you can have someone fluff your pillow…just don’t do it!

Seriously, the first three days were hell. I wasn’t in the system so I could not make contact with anyone yet. Now things are a bit smoother. I FINALLY GOT A BELT!!! I have been asking for a belt since day one and today I got one…a week later! Its amazing how the little things mean so much to you in here.

In here the races are divided. You stay with your own. They have 4 TVs up in the main area. The each are set to a radio station that you can only get with a purchased walkman. So in order to hear the TV, you must buy a $45.00 Sony Walkman. I did get one and find myself watch BET with a lot of the brothas in here. The white people are watching crap like Keeping up with the Kardashians and Shawshank Redemption (which is one of my favorites, till I got here and lived the movie). The Mexicans have that Telemundo going….gotta admit…not a bad channel, I mean if you are into tits and ass.

I have been working out a lot with my new white friends. These guys are crazy about their work-out. On my fourth day here, the only thing that did not hurt was blinking. I am going to be coming out of here looking like Ed Norton from American History X if I keep this up…which I will, cause there is nothing else to do.

I miss going outside. There is no yard here due to the fact that we are a 13 story building. Our yard is a balcony. I am located on the fifth floor so if that gets you an idea of my yard.

Well I just wanted to send to you guys my first letter. I will send one every week till I am released. Please, if you have the time, write to me. I will write everyone back that does write me. It makes a huge difference when you receive a letter from someone on the outside. Makes you feel like you have not been forgotten. You can find my address on my “ABOUT ME” page on Facebook.

I would like to thank Rickie Holley, Cheryl Anderson, and my mom and dad for their letters. I will post everyone’s name that wrote me in my letters to thank them.

Well, I should be cleared medically soon so that I can get a job. I ll let you know how that goes in my next letter.

Thank you everyone for your continued support. I miss you all.

Until next week,

LEAF

Living Everyday Always Free

Our Disneyland Trip

On January 10th I performed Leaf’s Last Laugh, one last final performance to raise money so that my girls and I could spend some time together in Disneyland. Well Sacramento, you guys came out in the masses! It was a truly humbling experience seeing so many people that truly care about you. It was an indescribable feeling.

On January 12th, we headed out to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, to spend what would be some of our final days together. I let me younger girls (7 & 5) pack their own suitcase. They packed barbies, crayons, a toy bus, and of course princess crowns and jewels.
After we were pa ked we began our trip. We made it to Elk Grove when my youngest informed me that she has to pee. At this particular moment, I knew I was in for a long ride.
We got to our hotel around 10pm. Just in time for my youngest to catch her second wind. You could just see the excitement in her little eyes. And at that moment, I knew this was all worth it. We got up early the next morning, ate breakfast, and were on our way to experience this magical happy place.
Our first stop was mainstreet where the girls window shopped and wanted everything. Then we went to the castle and took some photos infront of it. 

Please forgive me on the awkward photo.We decided after the photos infront of the castle to go inside the castle. A lot of people do not know this but you can actually walk inside the castle and learn the story of Sleeping Beauty. At this moment, my five year old was not having any of this. She started to tremble and find her own way out. She was scared! We got her out, and she said,” I want to go home.” The trip cost $1500 and she wants to go home……..fuck that shit!!!!! You are riding some fucking rides!!!!!!

I warmed her up with Dumbo, then the tea cups. After the tea cups she rode Alice in Wonderland and it was smooth sailing from there. We all ended up riding every ride….twice even, and she even rode Space Mountain and Splash Mountain.

If you ever want to go to Disneyland, go in January, on Sunday and/or Monday. It is their slow time. The longest we waited for a ride was 20 minutes.

All in all, we had a very good time. It was a time that I will xheerish for the rest of my life. I have you Sacramento to thank. I appreciate you guys. When, I get back, be ready to laugh as I am forever in debted to you, well and the U.S. government. Here are some of the photos from our magical trip.

~LEAF
Live Everyday Always Free

Our Disneyland Trip

On January 10th I performed Leaf’s Last Laugh, one last final performance to raise money so that my girls and I could spend some time together in Disneyland. Well Sacramento, you guys came out in the masses! It was a truly humbling experience seeing so many people that truly care about you. It was an indescribable feeling.

On January 12th, we headed out to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, to spend what would be some of our final days together. I let me younger girls (7 & 5) pack their own suitcase. They packed barbies, crayons, a toy bus, and of course princess crowns and jewels.
After we were pa ked we began our trip. We made it to Elk Grove when my youngest informed me that she has to pee. At this particular moment, I knew I was in for a long ride.
We got to our hotel around 10pm. Just in time for my youngest to catch her second wind. You could just see the excitement in her little eyes. And at that moment, I knew this was all worth it. We got up early the next morning, ate breakfast, and were on our way to experience this magical happy place.
Our first stop was mainstreet where the girls window shopped and wanted everything. Then we went to the castle and took some photos infront of it. 

Please forgive me on the awkward photo.We decided after the photos infront of the castle to go inside the castle. A lot of people do not know this but you can actually walk inside the castle and learn the story of Sleeping Beauty. At this moment, my five year old was not having any of this. She started to tremble and find her own way out. She was scared! We got her out, and she said,” I want to go home.” The trip cost $1500 and she wants to go home……..fuck that shit!!!!! You are riding some fucking rides!!!!!!

I warmed her up with Dumbo, then the tea cups. After the tea cups she rode Alice in Wonderland and it was smooth sailing from there. We all ended up riding every ride….twice even, and she even rode Space Mountain and Splash Mountain.

If you ever want to go to Disneyland, go in January, on Sunday and/or Monday. It is their slow time. The longest we waited for a ride was 20 minutes.

All in all, we had a very good time. It was a time that I will xheerish for the rest of my life. I have you Sacramento to thank. I appreciate you guys. When, I get back, be ready to laugh as I am forever in debted to you, well and the U.S. government. Here are some of the photos from our magical trip.

~LEAF
Live Everyday Always Free

My Radio Interview

I had the privilege of being on 107.9 the End’s Wake Up Call this morning. We talked about what I wanted to do before I turn myself in…Take a listen.
107.9 The End’s THE WAKE UP CALL

MY LAST TWO YEARS

I went through my phone and started reminiscing about my past. Mainly the past two years. I have been doing comedy for two years, and now I must go away for two years. I wanted to try to put it all in perspective, however, all I came up with was this video. This is too big to try to put into perspective. I have learned that this is just something I have to face head on and make the best of it. I hope you enjoy the video. It is a small glimpse into my life of the past two years as I balance family and comedy.

Top Ten Celebrities that will make a sex tape in 2013

Top Ten LIst of Celebrities that will make a sex tape
I had the honor of performing on a LIVE Audience recording of a podcast done by Brian Crall and The Sacramento Comedy Spot. The show is done weekly and is titled Top Ten List. It is a game show and was surprisingly a lot of fun. I had no idea how to play…but learned quickly that I had no idea what I was doing. Take a listen to this hysterically funny episode. And I learned the hard way who Honey Boo-Boo was. Take a listen.